Photo by Elaine Casap on Unsplash
I am fascinated with quotes. Like many of you, I bookmark them, write them down and sometimes just memorize them.
Here is my offering to you, a collection of quotes on the art of giving and receiving. And my understanding and interpretation of them.
“Pure love is a willingness to give without a thought of receiving anything in return” — Peace Pilgrim
We were in the park one evening. My son was busy playing and having fun. Then he came running to me and exclaimed, with joy, anticipation, and excitement, ”Look mommy! I have a surprise for you!” He took my hand and placed a little weed flower that had lost almost all its little petals into my hand.
I beamed with love and appreciation, accepted the gift, and embraced him. It was heartwarming that amidst the wonder of exploring the world around him and the excitement of playing, the sight of the flower had reminded him of me!
I stored the flower carefully in a box. Years later, I happened to open the box and the memory flooded back bringing with it the joy and emotion of receiving a ‘surprise.’ Every time I see the flower, the warmth of the memory fills me up and envelops me in a loving embrace.
This simple gesture of my child — that said I remember you, care about you, and love you — an offering with a pure intention, without expecting anything in return, is, I believe, giving in its purest form.
I’m sure most of you can relate to moments like these with your loved ones. I have learned that often it is these little, everyday gestures that we value, remember, and treasure as human beings.
“The manner of giving is worth more than the gift” — Pierre Corneille
Without the generosity, kindness, and selflessness of the people who give, in this stressful and resource-strapped world, much could not have been accomplished.
However, while giving, it is helpful to remember that it is not what you give but how you give that matters — whether it is love, kindness, appreciation, a hug, a smile, a word of encouragement, a compliment, or material possessions.
The act of giving is truly fulfilling when you:
Give — because you want to, not because someone expects you to, or because you think you are supposed to or that it’s the right thing to do.
Give — wholeheartedly and magnanimously
Give — with a sense of gratitude for the grace that made it possible for you to offer something
Give — consciously, with a sense of appreciation for the abundance in your life
Give — humbly and graciously, with the knowledge that giving is neither superior nor inferior to receiving
Give — acknowledging that ‘nothing is mine to give, except perhaps love. Because I can give only that which I receive.’
“Think of giving not as a duty but as a privilege” — John D. Rockefeller Jr.
“Gracious acceptance is an art — an art which most never bother to cultivate. We think that we have to learn how to give, but we forget about accepting things, which can be much harder than giving…. Accepting another person’s gift is allowing him to express his feelings for you.”
— Alexander McCall Smith, Love Over Scotland
I must admit that I was someone who was not good at receiving. In fact, I am still learning the art of accepting.
I have been married now for eighteen years. My husband, who is a very kind, patient, and thoughtful person, was exasperated last year when I yet again didn’t want to accept the gift he purchased for me — this time because it was too expensive. He spoke up for the first time and expressed how it made him feel when I was reluctant to accept his generous gifts.
I realized, in the moment, that he was right and I needed to improve. I have since made a conscious choice to do better because, I believe, it’s the best gift I can give to someone I care about.
It is only by receiving graciously that I convey my appreciation and honor the thoughts and feelings with which the gift is given.
“Until we can receive with an open heart, we’re never really giving with an open heart. When we attach judgement to receiving help, we knowingly or unknowingly attach judgement to giving help.” — Bené Brown
As children, we enjoy the act of giving and are thrilled to receive. I often wonder, why is it that as we grow older we often cringe at the very thought of being the recipient of kindness and generosity?
In a world that emphasizes the act of giving and holds it as an ideal, we must not forget that receiving with grace is equally important. Whether it is the bounty from mother earth — food, water, air — or the kind gesture of a companion or stranger.
Since the time we are born, we receive — the gift of life, friends and family, education, other worldly possessions, and often wisdom that comes with experience and perspective.
Are we then in debt to the universe and the people around us?
Do we feel inferior because we receive?
Does that make us vulnerable?
Most of us feel gratitude in place of indebtedness to the universe. And that gratitude manifests itself in our choices, our thoughts, and our behavior.
We don’t feel lesser than the universe for providing us with so much. Then why do we feel that way with our fellow human beings?
Whether we are the giver or the receiver, it’s a role. In the moment, no matter the role, it’s important to remember that we are only the facilitator of the moment. The universe is acting through us in the form of the roles we are temporarily assigned — as the giver and at other times as the receiver.
“When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully everyone is blessed.” — Maya Angelou
One day, as we were walking by, we noticed that our elderly neighbor had a lot of stuff to unload from his car. My son offered to help, but my neighbor was reluctant to accept.
Upon insisting though, he allowed my son to carry the bags inside. It was a small act of kindness, but my son had a grin on his face all day. He asked me later why it felt so good to help someone? I am grateful to my neighbor for accepting the help and teaching my son a valuable lesson.
When we give and receive with humility and an acknowledgement of the grace that encompasses these actions, it fills us with peace, contentment, and joy. Joy that lasts and lingers for a long time.
As we approach this season of giving, let’s remember the joy of both giving and receiving; let’s take a moment to acknowledge and appreciate the abundance of life; let’s experience the joy of sharing this abundance with others, filling not just our homes and hearts but the world around us with hope, joy, and love.
Originally published at https://www.medium.com on December 10, 2020.