*Inspiration for the drawing: pitcherart at canstock.com
It was the annual book sale. I was volunteering at my son’s middle school. It was just after lunch, so all the children had left for classes. It was quiet again in the library. After the hectic pace during lunch, I was taking a moment to gather and keep aside the books meant for the teachers.
As with anyone in middle school, every student and parent was ‘new’ to the school. I had heard from my son about classes, teachers, and friends, but I had yet to meet any of them.
After a while, a lady walked in. She greeted me, then went ahead and picked out the stack of books that were set aside for her in the section marked for the teachers. She perused the other books on sale and glanced at me occasionally. I could sense that she wanted to say something but was hesitant.
Then she walked toward the doors to leave, but turned back and walked straight toward me. “You’re Keith’s mom?!” she asked with anticipation, admiration, and excitement. When I nodded, she was elated to meet me. She went on to tell me how exemplary my son was and how wonderful it was to be his teacher.
I was taken aback. Don’t get me wrong – it was very kind of her to say such nice things about my son and me. But it was the first time ever that a stranger had treated me so differently, and had given me the credit for how my son was, just because I was his mother.
I was very proud of my son for making a good impression on his teacher at his new school. But I was more grateful for the acceptance and appreciation of who he was by his teachers.
Throughout the rest of the day, though there was a warm feeling of joy, I also felt unsettled – there was a question nagging at me. Did I really deserve the credit because my son was a certain way? As far as I was concerned, I didn’t think so.
After all, he is who he is due to a combination of factors. I believe that there are a lot of factors that influence a child.
My upbringing is surely one of those factors. But others, like his genes, how he has been wired by his creator, his choices, desires, and dreams, the environment he is fortunate to live in like his neighborhood, and the people he interacts with regularly like his friends and teachers also play a significant role.
So if I look at it objectively, I am only a small part of the whole equation.
And yet, his teacher so graciously gave me the entire credit!
The question kept haunting me. I decided to read more about what the experts had to say in this matter. Research taught me that I was wrong – I did have a role to play in who he was, and an influential one at that!
I have always considered the role of being a mother/parent as an immense responsibility – because I have been entrusted with caring, protecting, and nurturing a precious life.
To be honest, in spite of my best intentions, it has been very hard to know the right response and the right thing to do in most situations.
My primary focus has always been to teach my son to be a good human being and secondly, to identify and nurture his interests. More importantly, I became mindful of who I was at every moment because I often heard people say that children don’t remember what is told to them but they notice everything!
“The example we set for our kids – how we choose to lead our lives – is much, much more important than what we say. Show them how to live life in color.” – Zina Harrington from becomingunbusy. I couldn’t have said it better!
It is delightful to be recognized and appreciated for the hard work, selflessness, and sacrifice that define motherhood. And despite what the experts say, I still believe that I share the credit with everyone who has ever interacted with my child or me in his presence. Some people have taught him how to be while others have demonstrated how not to be – lessons that I hope he will carry with him as he grows older and is faced with everyday people, situations, and challenges.
Has someone treated you a certain way because you were a parent/mother? How did you feel in the moment? Do we really deserve the credit for the ‘success’ of our children? By the same token then, are we also responsible for their ‘shortcomings’?
I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
*Name changed to protect privacy