A single sunflower standing proudly among wild flowers.(Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash)
Be yourself – easier said than done, isn’t it? Most of us don’t know who we are anymore. Because the real ‘you’ is lost. How you define ‘you’ today is what others have told you about yourself – the good, and mostly the bad and the horrible. But are they right? Who is the real ‘you’? If we so choose, can we get back to being ourselves? Why would we want to take up this hard and often painful task?
Recently, my son had to attend some interviews as part of high school admissions. It was stressful to watch and wait as we went from one step of the process to the next but he handled it quite well. We were only applying to two schools. It was time for the student interview at one of the schools. We were waiting in the parking lot, anxiously awaiting his return.
He walked out of the building, got into the car, and sighed. I asked him how it went. He told me everything he had been asked. We had anticipated some questions and decided on what he was comfortable saying in response.
He told me that the admissions officer asked him if he had applied to any other schools in the area. We hadn’t prepared for this question. My son, being his honest self, told her about the other school.
Hearing this, I got mildly upset and said, “You should have been diplomatic about it and answered it differently. Why does it matter where else you apply? What if they hold it against you?”
He responded calmly, “Well, I told them the truth. If they can’t appreciate or accept that, then I don’t think I want to go to that school at all. I don’t want to lie to be accepted into a particular school.”
His response caught me off guard. I paused for a moment, took a deep breath and thought about what he had just said. I realized that this young man had just taught me something really important – I don’t have to conform and mold myself into something I’m not, just to be accepted.
I admit, it is so hard to do that. Since that day, I have observed my own behavior and realized that I actually do play a role and behave how I think others expect me to be. So I will be accepted. Perhaps even appreciated.
I realized that this is exactly why we are often not happy in life – because we don’t dare to stand in our own truth. We conform in the hope that everyone will like us, accept us, and perhaps appreciate us. We try so hard to please everybody but ourselves. In the process though, we are still judged and we end up feeling empty and unhappy. Because we are not being true to ourselves.
I also remember a time when my son was in elementary school – this was when he had to change schools. That year, the school had a new principal – it was her first year too. We happened to meet her near the cafeteria and we chatted for a while. She seemed excited and she asked my son, “Are you excited about this school?” He nodded, not knowing what to say.
I asked him later if he wasn’t looking forward to attending that school. He said, “I don’t know yet. Once I go, I will be able to tell you.” That was his honest take. He really didn’t know what to expect at the school and he let her know that, as politely as he could.
Straight forward, truthful answers leave ‘normal’ people feeling very uncomfortable. They are so accustomed to the pretense and the predictable answers that anything different baffles them. I have observed this many times when I am with my son. His self-assured honesty and his “I will be myself, no matter what you think” attitude stumps people. Occasionally, I have also noticed an admiration for that quality too.
So here’s what I have learned about why it is important to ‘be yourself’:
When we are ourselves, there is no pretense.
When we are ourselves, we stand in our own truth.
When we are ourselves, it demonstrates confidence in who we are. It says – I accept me, I respect me, and I value me. People don’t quite understand what it is, but they can sense it. It’s inspirational.
When we are ourselves, we accept ourselves and we trust the world to be accepting.
When we are ourselves, people can trust us easily.
When we are ourselves, we allow others to be themselves without judgement.
When we are ourselves, we save ourselves and others from a lot of heartache and regret.
When we are ourselves, we are not clamoring for acceptance from others because there is a complete acceptance of self.
When we are ourselves, we are guided by our own compass of what makes us happy. We know we are better off without certain people or situations in our life. We craft the life we want and surround ourselves with people we like.
When we are ourselves, there is a deeper satisfaction and fulfillment in life.
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson
I hope that you discover who you are and choose to be more of that. After all, you are a unique individual for a reason. May you become the fullest expression of yourself and find fulfillment, satisfaction, and happiness.
I hope this video is helpful in your quest to be ‘you’ : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=veEQQ-N9xWU
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