Photo by cristian castillo on Unsplash
A few months ago, I received a call from the school nurse. She said my son was complaining of stomach ache and needed to see the doctor. We were then asked to go to the ER. After a series of examinations, tests, and scans, we were informed that he needed to get an appendectomy.
As a parent, watching your child in pain is never easy. But, I also didn’t want him to go through a procedure, if I could avoid it. I asked for any alternative options and was told that sometimes antibiotics can help. So I insisted on trying that out so that we could avoid the operation.
All night long, he was hooked up to monitors in the hospital, with saline and antibiotics being pumped into his body. I sat by his bed, hoping and praying that by the morning there would be some improvement and I could take him home.
But the situation got worse and I couldn’t deny the facts any longer. By late morning, it was clear to me that I had to consent to the operation. And so I did.
As I sat with him, I remembered the night he was born. I had made a promise to him, to always protect him, no matter what, to always love him unconditionally, no matter what.
But watching him on the hospital bed, in pain, with monitors attached to his little body – was really hard. I realized in that moment that I couldn’t live up to my promise in every instance. It dawned on me that I was naïve to have made that promise. As desperate as I was, I couldn’t protect him always.
I was a regular human being who happened to be his mom. In spite of my best intentions, I couldn’t shield him from all harm, pain, and suffering. All I could do was stand by him and with him through the pain and suffering, offering my love, care, and support: a hand to hold on to through the tough times. That’s all I was capable of.
So that’s what I did. I suppressed my fears, sadness, anxieties and concerns and put up a brave front trying to offer him hope. I don’t know if it was enough, but that’s all I could do in the moment. It made me feel so incapable, so small, so inefficient. I realized I am limited in my abilities as a human being. Yet at the same time, I was extremely grateful that I could be there for him.
Moments like these make me realize that this vast universe is controlled by a power with a force and a will of its own. And just like the many living forms in this universe, as a human being, I have no choice but to yield to that power.
So what do we do when we are faced with challenging situations in life?
Create space
Watching my child through the night gave me some time to think and assess the situation. I took the time to stay still and quiet, clear my head, and be in the moment.
Accept the reality
Accepting what is helps put things into perspective, brings a sense of peace and calm, and reveals the way forward. It means acknowledging that the situation is not what I want it to be or the way I want it to be, but it is as it is. I was resisting the fact that my son needed the procedure in order to protect him from any more pain. But my resistance only prolonged his pain.
Respond, don’t react
That’s the mantra to follow during tough times. When we react, we act instinctively, as if on autopilot. On the other hand, when we respond, we put aside our expectations and desires, consider the situation as calmly as possible, weigh our options, and then make a decision. All evening I had been impulsively resisting and reacting. With some space, there was an emerging clarity. And armed with the facts, I was prepared to respond to the situation instead of reacting.
Hold on to your faith
No matter your beliefs, no matter your religion, trust the faith you have in the universal power. Trust that the power that governs the universe is watching out for you. Tough times test us and our faith. This is not the time to give up, but rather to hold on. Faith is like an anchor that helps you stay afloat during the chaotic times.
Lessons learned
Getting through any form of suffering provides us a unique perspective and an ability to empathize. It also reveals to us the resilience and strength we possess to overcome adversities. I remember my son asking me, “How do people in conditions much worse than me ever manage? Why did anyone deserve to suffer at all?” I have often wondered about these very questions. I suppose suffering is our teacher in the moment and could help us become kinder human beings. In our own way, my son and I developed some wisdom through this experience.
In retrospect, I understand today that life situations, emotions, and feelings are fleeting – like the clouds in the sky. There may be dark clouds in the moment, but they will move away and the sun will emerge. Sometimes it may take a little while. But it will. So it is with life – tough times don’t last forever. They are a part of life and accepting them and moving forward, one step at a time, is the only choice we have.
Practicing the steps outlined above through different situations has helped me move forward in challenging times. Try them out and let me know in the comments below. Please share your methods of coping with tough times as well.