It’s the last few years of high school. The time when a student has to make a choice about college admissions and what they would like to do in life. Sam is one such student – sad about leaving school and her friends behind, excited about the future, anxious and scared about understanding the admissions process and then making the right choice, worried that she won’t be able to fulfill the expectations of her parents, wondering what everyone would think if she didn’t make it into a ‘prestigious’ college.
Her well-meaning parents want the best for their daughter – through their subtle hints and suggestions she knows what they want her to do. But she wants to pursue a totally different path. She loves her parents dearly and doesn’t want to disappoint them by speaking her mind. She is not so sure about anything anymore.
There are too many voices, too many opinions, and too many choices, and they all seem to be drowning her own little voice.
What should Sam do? Should she just give in and follow the path her parents want her to? Or should she tell them what she really wants to do? What will happen if she does tell them – will they be upset, disappointed, angry? And how can she be sure that the decision she is making is the right one? What if her parents are right? After all, they have known her since she was a baby and they have more experience than her.
I acknowledge the fact that making choices is hard, very hard. It is stressful because each choice you make has the potential to change the course of your life.
If you look closely at your life, it is actually a sum of the choices you have made, and they reveal what truly matters to you.
A choice is an opportunity or a chance to change/decide on a course of action. So start practicing early on – make everyday choices concerning the food to eat, the daily routine to follow, the friends you choose, etc.
When you make these decisions every day and they lead you to a more fulfilling and happy tomorrow, know that you are making the right choices. That will give you the confidence and courage to make the so-called ‘big’ choices.
But before you make a hard choice, it is advisable to seek out people who have been in a similar situation like you and learn about their experiences and how they feel in hindsight about the choices they made. This may bring to light some points you may not have considered – both good and bad. Make a note of them.
Remember though, that others can only share what they know from their own experiences, so it may or may not be totally true in your case.
Now that you have done your research, list out the various options you have, and the pros and cons of each option.
There’s something else you have to watch out for – making decisions based on what others think of you or want of you, ignoring what you want for yourself. The expectations of others is so hard to ignore that we succumb to it, thinking that pleasing others is the best way forward.
But when you try so hard to please others, you lose yourself and eventually, sooner or later, you blame the very people you were trying to please, for your misery.
Making a choice is a superpower you have. Take ownership of your life but also know that there will be no one to blame for the consequences of the choices you make. So think critically and choose carefully and wisely. This can lead to a deeper understanding and appreciation of yourself. So never delegate this power to anyone else.
When you can put aside all the expectations and biases, what is left is your heart’s pure desire. If you allow yourself some space, permission, and quiet time for reflection, you will know what you really want and why you want it.
Give yourself the gift of that little voice inside you because it knows what’s right for you. It will lead you to the choice that means something to you. When you say yes to that voice, there is a peace and calm that accompanies it.
Even though you may be worried about disappointing others around you, know that those who love you dearly will always support you in whatever way they can and those who don’t, well…they don’t really matter.
I’m sure you are wondering, how do we know if the choices we are making in the present moment are actually right for us? The truth is, nobody knows for sure – not your parents, your friends, your teachers, or you. Because the outcome of each choice depends a lot on what you choose to do every single day.
If you put your heart and soul into the effort, the end result has to be favorable. So go forth and trust yourself to make the right choices.
Did you have an experience like this? How did you make your choice? What did it feel like? In retrospect, would you change anything about your choice?